Thursday, April 7, 2011

I have been un-friended

Ok so I admit it has happened before, but usually quietly and from people who I have not seen nor heard from outside Facebook (and sometimes not even on Facebook) for many years. One day you are friended and then next you are not. Sadly many times it took me forever to even realize that it had happened and then I did not really care. Until last night.

So my step-daughter had been having issues with my husband and I have suspected with me for a long time now. We have not seen her in almost a year and that was for one day and it had been a year since the last visit.  (Long story involving a teenager and the evil ex-wife. Yes I know they are not all evil but the one I have to deal with is.)

Anyway since Facebook is the only way we have to contact my step-daughter (she un-friended her father awhile ago and calling her is a complicated situation. I am not allowed) I always reach out every few weeks to see how she is. Always me and never her, but she is a teenager after all. So I sent an e-mail Monday and waited and waited until Wednesday night. Not usual for her to ignore me. So I posted on her FB wall asking if she was ignoring me intentionally.  I noticed a couple hours later that it was deleted but still no response from her. (Mind you I know she was online Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday) So I wrote I will take that as a yes. That was then deleted as well with still no response from her. Well I wrote ok fine delete me on her wall and sent her another e-mail asking what her problem was. I am not one to take crap from my children, which I have considered her for over 6 years. She then e-mailed me all mad that I would write on her wall just because she did not respond fast enough. That I was immature and then came the un-friend.

So last night I was angry and I will admit it hurt like hell. Here is a kid that I took into my heart and life and helped in every way I could. I know she is a teenager but I also know her and this is not like her at all. I am so angry, this is the only way we have of contacting her and now she has decided to cut it off. The other times I could blame her mother but this time it is on her. I am also angry because poor Big J misses her sister so much and what can I say? Before it was easy to blame her sister's mother but now how do I tell her that her sister does not want to see her? Thankfully Little J does not understand anything and hopefully never will.

Ok I guess I am still very angry and hurt. I know everyone will say that she is a teenager and it will get better but I am not one for people acting like this and she is just not like this or at least she was not. I guess she is more like her mother then I knew and now her mother has one.

I am ready to purge my heart.


  1. Returning the Blog Love. I’m following you back now!

    I'm sorry to hear about this situation. I don't have any wise words to offer you, just that I'm sorry and I wish things get better for you and your family.

    Becca's Perspective

  2. Becca - Thanks somethings wishes are all I need!

  3. I hear my step son in this story.

    Hubby never married his high school girlfriend, she felt that she was the only parent. We only come into play when someone wanted something.

    I hate it that this kind of thing happens.

  4. I hate it too.

    What kills me is that my husband has always been there for her. We moved south to be near her and then when we moved to Charlotte (she is in Myrtle Beach) I drove to meet her mother every other weekend, usually with baby Big J in the car. I drove 3 hours and her mother drove 1 and complained the whole time. Then when her mom realized that my husband was happy in his new life she decided that was not ok and stopped agreeing to meet us. It kills me that there are so many "fathers" out there who do not want anything to do with their children and my husband does but that is not good enough!

  5. Sorry for the ranting, it is just a tough situation for me.

  6. You may not want to hear this, but you did lash out and tell her to delete you. Maybe after the first message was deleted it would have been a good idea to send a private message and see how she was doing instead of go on the attack. I'm not judging you, I have a step son and I know how difficult it can be, believe me. I did the removal of our facebook friendship myself.

    I know I would not like anyone airing dirty laundry on my facebook page. That would feel very embarrassing to me.

    I hope you have good close friends who can be honest with you. Good luck with this situation. I know how miserable it can be. Try not to take her actions personally. If you can step back far enough you can see it's not really you, it's the situation. Being a teenager is ridiculously hard, even without complications from parents.

  7. Except I did not tell her to delete me. Under normal circumstances I would agree with you, however there is a lot more to the story then that.

    I understand that being a teenager is hard, but under no circumstances is it ok to talk to your parents that way. I guess that was just the way I was raised. She has been stubborn and rude for a long time. I also did not write anything to embarrass her. I wrote it because I thought she was not getting my e-mails since she always responded before. It seems to me that her guilty conscious made it seem worse then it was. You are right maybe I should have just kept e-mailing her instead, but I am fed up with the situation and there comes a point when I have to stop letting it hurt my family.