Bullying

Bullying is something that I have faced in the past and something that sadly I have already seen in my daughter's life. Kindergarten seems to have changed a lot since I was little, but then again I do remember there was a mean girl in my class. I also dealt with some teasing growing up but I know I had it a million times better then a lot of people. Bullying is something that is around of all us and many times we ignore it and hope it goes away. It doesn't.

This video is courtesy of Single Dad Laughing. Watch it, share it, blog about it and help us eliminate bullying for good.

Lucky or not?

So lately my luck seems to be in the good zone or so I thought. I have won a couple contests at my work and earned a bonus that even with the crazy bonus tax (which was on the gift cards I won too) was still really good. Yesterday I even won Rio on blue-ray and a book from Charlotte Parent Magazine. So I was thinking it was time to play the lottery... and then it all crashed.

So you may know that I just started a job about 70 days ago after being unemployed for 7 months and struggling to pay bills. Which means life is getting better and we are catching up on bills, etc and were actually going to be able to buy Christmas gifts for the J's without having to worry about how to pay bills.

Then as it sometimes does... life crashed around us. I shouldn't say that, I mean I still have my job and we are all healthy which is a great blessing. Yesterday while driving Little J to daycare the car died. Now I did look on the bright side that we were not driving down the highway or in the city and that I have a coworker I commute with that was able to drive me to work and Big J to school.  But today we find out it is going to cost $650 to fix, which I know it could be worse but that is every penny in my bank account and some that I do not have.

Did I mention that was our Christmas money? Now I do not need presents from my hubby... I can do without.. But I hate working so hard and not be able to get my daughters the gifts they want. I am not talking every gift they want because lets me honest Big J wants EVERYTHING! I just want them to have some great presents to open on Christmas morning from their hardworking Mommy and Daddy.

Alright pity party is over. Time to pick myself up and make it work like I do.


Here is a cute face to bring a smile to your face

My Little J - Looking like they woke her up from her nap to take the picture! She is one of the reasons why I smile and move on.

Wishing all my readers happy times and I hope that everything is looking bright for your holidays. Feeling down? Feel free to vent below and maybe together we can find some kind words or a good laugh to cheer us up. Or let me know what makes you smile and get up in the morning when life is getting a little rough.

Waiting for Peace & Quiet

I hate waiting, it makes it even worse when you are waiting for news that you really need.  I have been out of work since the end of February after being laid off after 3 1/2 years and have been staying home with my two girls and my husband. Yes we are all in the house 24/7. Well you know except for errands and walks and interviews. Which due to lack of funds errands are low and due to the heat walks have been cut down too. Interviews come and go, some weeks I get a couple and others I hear nothing.

The week of Big J's birthday which was the 12th I actually had two. Company A is for an Office Manager job, but I still have not heard anything back about going in for a second interview. Now this does not mean much around here because sometimes it takes forever! Company B which is for an Executive Assistant/Marketing/ and more position,  I interviewed with three people on a Friday, then had a phone interview with a fourth person on Wednesday and then a third interview with another partner on Monday. (If you understood that it was this Monday) So now I am waiting and waiting to see if I am actually going to be offered the position. I am thinking that three interviews was a good thing but I am not sure if I was the only person who was being interview that much of not. The recruiter said she has not heard back yet but I am really hoping to hear something tomorrow.

By something of course I mean a job offer because things are getting pretty desperate around here and I really do not want to have to move out of our apartment. Where would we go? I have not idea, likely a long term stay hotel until one of us lands a job and we can get back into an apartment. Not a happy thought with a 5 year old about to start kindergarten, a 17 month old who still gets up anywhere from 1-3 times a night and 2 kittens. I am trying to stay positive in thinking that one of these two positions will work out in the end. God does have a plan, I just wish he would let me in on it every now and then.

It will be nice to get back to work because I may actually get some peace and quiet. I am really looking forward to peeing in peace, that does not happen very often in a house with kids! Even when I close the door my 5 year old thinks it is ok to just open it. Which is so not ok when her friends are here. Speaking of her friends, they are here all the time!! There are 2 boys that live downstairs that I believe are 6 and 8. Then there are 2 other children that live on the 1st floor, 1 girl who is 7 and 1 boy who is 5. The boy and girl are pretty much here everyday, although sometimes we are lucky and Big J goes down to see them instead. Usually she goes down and then about 10-20 minutes later they are back upstairs because we have the cooler toys. The two boys come up every now and then (I think they visit their dad a lot) but they like to play our video games. There is also another boy who is 8 or 9 that lives a few apartment buildings over that comes over just to play our video games. It is funny because he asks for Big J and if she is downstairs then he asks if my husband is home.

It will be hard to leave my family, especially Little J who I think will have a very hard time when I leave. She is very attached to me, but I have noticed that the last week or so she is getting better if I leave or take a nap. It used to be that if I slept in the morning and my husband got up with the girls, Little J would be banging on my door most of the morning looking for me. Now she does not even bother me. But she is still very happy to see me when I do get up.

Ok now that I have gone on and on. I am off to read for awhile before bed.

Share with us if you are waiting for something and what it is?

I am failing at blogging

I just have not had the energy, time or motivation to post. Well I do have plenty of ideas but finding an hour of quiet where there is not a child wanting something is impossible these days!! If I start writing and then walk away I lose my train of thought, it is bad.

Little J has gotten very needy, yelling and whining a lot. She also is teething very bad and does not sleep well which means no one sleeps well lately!

Add to all that I am still looking for a job and trying to keep Big J entertained and out of trouble.

Ugggggggg!

My week and then some

So as you may know I have been out of work for 7 weeks now.  Wow it has been 7 weeks already? Where did the time go?

So my days have been filled with children, painting the house (we have been collecting paint, shelves, etc for awhile and now have the time to do it all) and searching for a job. The past couple weeks have actually been more focused on finding a job since I have a couple recruitment/temp agencies helping me. Which means interviews with them and so far one interview with a company. (This is actually my third interview since I lost my job).

I am exhausted though which is why I have not been posting lately. My husband is on a new medication and it makes him sleep so deep, which means he snores all night long! Great for him, not so great for me. Add in that Little J still gets up anywhere from 1-5 times a night and Mommy is not getting much sleep at all. Last night I was up until 2ish and then up at 7:15. Right now I am counting the minutes until hubby wakes up so I can crawl into bed again for a nap!

Stress is also a big factor, I am worried about money and how we are going to continue paying our bills. We were lucky that when my mom was here at the beginning of the month she gave us money for bills, bought the girls some clothes and me a suit. THANKS MOM!!! Thankfully we get food stamps and medicaid for the girls, however right now Little J's medicaid was cancelled and the case worker has a month to reinstate it. I so hate dealing with the case worker. I know that they are busy and have a lot of work for little pay but she never returns my calls and seems to have no concern for me or my family. Why be a social worker then???

Ok I am ending this post now since I am just babbling on, I really need some sleep!

I have been un-friended

Ok so I admit it has happened before, but usually quietly and from people who I have not seen nor heard from outside Facebook (and sometimes not even on Facebook) for many years. One day you are friended and then next you are not. Sadly many times it took me forever to even realize that it had happened and then I did not really care. Until last night.

So my step-daughter had been having issues with my husband and I have suspected with me for a long time now. We have not seen her in almost a year and that was for one day and it had been a year since the last visit.  (Long story involving a teenager and the evil ex-wife. Yes I know they are not all evil but the one I have to deal with is.)

Anyway since Facebook is the only way we have to contact my step-daughter (she un-friended her father awhile ago and calling her is a complicated situation. I am not allowed) I always reach out every few weeks to see how she is. Always me and never her, but she is a teenager after all. So I sent an e-mail Monday and waited and waited until Wednesday night. Not usual for her to ignore me. So I posted on her FB wall asking if she was ignoring me intentionally.  I noticed a couple hours later that it was deleted but still no response from her. (Mind you I know she was online Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday) So I wrote I will take that as a yes. That was then deleted as well with still no response from her. Well I wrote ok fine delete me on her wall and sent her another e-mail asking what her problem was. I am not one to take crap from my children, which I have considered her for over 6 years. She then e-mailed me all mad that I would write on her wall just because she did not respond fast enough. That I was immature and then came the un-friend.

So last night I was angry and I will admit it hurt like hell. Here is a kid that I took into my heart and life and helped in every way I could. I know she is a teenager but I also know her and this is not like her at all. I am so angry, this is the only way we have of contacting her and now she has decided to cut it off. The other times I could blame her mother but this time it is on her. I am also angry because poor Big J misses her sister so much and what can I say? Before it was easy to blame her sister's mother but now how do I tell her that her sister does not want to see her? Thankfully Little J does not understand anything and hopefully never will.

Ok I guess I am still very angry and hurt. I know everyone will say that she is a teenager and it will get better but I am not one for people acting like this and she is just not like this or at least she was not. I guess she is more like her mother then I knew and now her mother has one.

I am ready to purge my heart.

Does it Make me a Bad Person?

Since I lost my job and honestly sometimes before I get the feeling that I wish there was more in my life.

I miss having friends to go out with.
I miss having free time to do the things I enjoy.
I miss being free to do as I please, free of children, free of my husband (although I am not saying I would want them to be gone, I love them so much!)
I miss adult conversation, something that has gone missing since I lost my job.
I miss feeling useful to the world.

Now sadly I would love to stay home with my children, but I would love it if we were able to actually do things. I mean we have no money and only one car right now so we really do not do much or venture far. Although I am trying to get a Y membership to give us some more options on outings, especially when it rains. Which it is doing now and has been for a couple days.

I just get restless sometimes and want change and I am wondering if that is normal or if I am crazy? (Ok I know I am crazy but.... :) )

Just somethings that have been on my mind. Staying home with two kids and my husband is taking a lot longer to get used to then I thought it would. Although a lot of projects have been completed around the house.

Restlessness why will you not go away?

Want to go home

Does anyone else have family that well, just sucks? Here for a week, have not seen my brothers in a looong time, one in over a year and the other even longer and yet they still have no desire to see me. Yeah they spend the necessary minutes to not look like asses (and to meet Jorja) but part of me just wishes they would stay away.

I do not care if you do not agree with my choices in life, it is mine to do as I please and never have I asked you for help or for your opinion so I wish they would just shove it. One has basically told me he wants nothing to do with me and then acts like I am barely in the room and the other just ignores me all the time and visits when he has to. Both act like they are better then me and everyone else.

My mind screams, screw them! Who cares! I do not need them in my life! and yet my heart still hurts. Am I that terrible a person? Have I screwed up so bad in their eyes that I am not worth it any longer? And lastly what gives them the right? Who made them Mr. Perfect 1 and Mr. Perfect 2? Sometimes I just want to e-mail them and tell them how much they suck, other times I just crack jokes about the black sheep club that I am president of on Facebook (One of these days I just might create one).

Really I just want to be back home with my husband living my black sheep life! That is where I belong and screw everyone else!

I apologize if I offended anyone with my language or mood. I am stressed out and sleep deprived and I miss my husband so much! Did I mention I still have 6 days until we fly home???

Driving Pet Peeves

This has been bothering me a lot lately, ok every since I moved to the city and had to commute to work. I really do not commute for, it typically only takes me about 20 minutes of driving time. I am also very lucky because daycare is less then a mile from our apartment. I find that most days by the time I get to woke I have yelled at more then one car and am angry at how stupidly people drive.

Here are some of my pet peeves while driving. Feel free to chime in!

• Directional use - Man put those lovely blinky lights on the cars for a reason, not just for looks people. USE THEM! It will al least tell me you are planning on cutting me off.
• Speaking of cutting me off.... Just because there is a car length between me and the car in front of me does not mean you belong there! I have left that space their for safety reason, something you do not know or care about!
• If by some miracle you use your direction in order to get in my lane and I am nice enough to let you in, which I usually am, how hard is it to raise you hand up for a split second just to say thanks???????? It is not your given right to cut in front of me.
• You know there is more then one exit on highways? Oh you didn't? Is that why you slammed on the breaks and reversed in the breakdown lane because you were too busy on the cell phone to notice your exit? Or perhaps you simply cut everyone off in order to get from the left hand lane to the right hand lane before you missed the exit? and then because you were just too slow, or of course you will blame it on the other drivers you have to cut over the solid white lines and dart onto the exit. 
• It is simple..... Go to the next exit and turn around!!! Go back and take your exit!!! I know it may take a few more minutes but it is better then being dead!
• If you decide that you need to be in front of me for some unknown reason please do not slow down when you get there. The right lane is for slow traffice and the left lane is for fast moving traffic. Maybe you need to learn your rights and lefts again??
• If it is raining or even worse snowing (because we live in the South and people are afraid of that cold white stuff) just drive carefully. Now this does not mean drive 15 down the highway with a 60 mph speed limit. Just choose a nice speed and stay consistant. DO NOT slam on your breaks. DO NOT cut people off so they have to slam on their breaks. DO NOT speed up and slow down and speed up and slow down. ALL not safe. If you really cannot drive in it, STAY HOME!

Sorry for the crazy rant, I just needed to get that off my chest.

On other notes, Poor Little J has been under the weather for the last few days. Monday she was sent home from school with a fever and she had been throwing up. She stayed home yesterday but had such trouble sleeping last night. Up every few hours and screaming in her sleep. I feel so bad because I just do not know what is wrong. She has not had the fever since late Monday night. I am not sure if she just needs sleep or if there is something else wrong. Looks like a trip to the DR. I have to say we have been lucky because she is 8 months and this is the first sickness, impressive I think for a baby in daycare.

Smile

So I came on here to post some rants for things like:

• I want a new job - I mean I do like my job but now that I have my Master's Degree I know that I can do and make so much more then where I am which leads me to point 2.
• My husband needs a job - he had one and then they cancelled the project 2 days in so we are back to square one which means there is more pressure on me to get a better paying job.
• There was a little girl in Little J's class that touched my heart the moment I met her. Baby A, she was bald and blue eyed like my girls were. Then I found out she was a foster child and I wanted to take her home so bad. Well after a few weeks of her greeting me with a smile and crawling over to me (she is about 10 months) she is now gone. :(  It is a happy sad moment because I was told she is in a much better foster home and had new clothes and more love from the younger couple. I also know that she has an older brother about 2 and a sister around 8. I will miss her though!!!

Ok well now that I got that out of my system I think I will share some J love!

Little J and Big J pretending to be cats. (Yes they are on the cat tree, although Daddy is near both of them)

This is Big J being goofy sticking her Starburst out of her mouth!

I AM FREE!!!

Last night at midnight was the official end of classes for my MBA. Now I just wait for my last grade and then my diploma! Of course as crazy as I am I turned around and enrolled in ITT Tech starting December 6th for an Associates degree in Web Development. What can I say I love to learn and I am still trying to figure out what I am going to be when I grow up!

This also means that I have more time for blogging until December. WooHoo!

Look for my upcoming review of TimeBuddy

Little J's Teacher

I really, really, really, really and I would add more but I do not want to drive you all crazy, DISLIKE Little J's morning teacher. She is just so rude and well rude is the only word I can work with now.

Example 1 - Yesterday was the first day of the week, both girls had been out of daycare the week before (that is another story) so I was bringing in food for Little J, which was something new as well as her usual bottles. I walk in and put Little J in the bouncy as always and Big J is playing with all the babies. I put Little J's blanket in the crib and then walk over to the fridges which is where the teacher is filling out the morning forms. I take out the bottles and put them down. I then take out the food and tell her that I am starting to bring in different food since I do not know what they have. (I do not know if this is typical but my daycare now provides formula, rice cereal and some foods for infants) Nothing.....I wait and still nothing.... no response, no look, no nod, NADA!

Ok I think and go to the closet to drop of Little J's bag and remember there is a premade bottle in there because I tried to feed her before leaving but she did not want it. (This is typical) I bring the bottle back to the fridge, where the teacher is still standing, and tell her that I have a bottle here, which is only 2ozs that I tried to feed her at home and it was made 15 minutes before. (All VERY important information in my mind)  I then say I am leaving the bottle here and the last time she ate was 6:30 so she will probably want the bottle soon. I get a look and barely any eye contact..... maybe one eye.

The funny part is..... yes I found a funny part.... was that Big J is notorius for not listening and I always have to ask her to repeat what I said. I almost, out of habit said it to the teacher. Yes the person in charge of my baby girl reminds me of my 4 year old.  The problem is I love my daycare... I love all but two teachers and I really love the afternoon teachers in Little J's class.

Example 2 - I went in to drop Little J off one morning about a month ago and I noticed that a lot of the kids had moved up to the next classroom. There was only about 4 kids left in the infant room. I made a comment about how it must be hard to see the kids move up and that she must miss them. Her reply, "No they are all cry babies anyway and I hate cry babies. I am glad they moved up." Mind you Little J is also know as the cry baby of the class, she loves to have attention and why not when Big J will give it to her 24/7 and cries when someone is not close to her. So now I am thinking, great! You hate cry babies and my little girl is the cry baby of the class and I pay you to take care of her... WHY ARE YOU HERE???? Why oh why are you working at a daycare in the INFANT room???

On this occasion I stopped and talked to the director who said, "Not to make an excuse but ____ is having a rough time and some of the parents are giving her grief." Well DUH of course they are... she sucks! She has no respect for me, she never acknoledges me and I really do not care at this point if she is having a bad wee. If that is the "excuse" then she is having a bad year because she is always RUDE!


I just do not know what to do or how many more times I can complain without losing it. I know that Little J is well cared for, she is happy and loves going to school and all the other teachers loved and admire her. Sometimes though when I leave her there in the morning I am fuming all the way to work.

Anyone have any daycare horror or success stories?

I know I have been terrible

I know I have been terrible about posting the last couple of weeks. I have so many plans, a couple reviews, some giveaways and some crazy stories about my life. I have just been so overwhelmed with work, school and the kids that when I do get a moment I just sit there. I actually have all my good thought when I should be sleeping!! I decided I just need a recorder so I can talk myself to sleep and later transcribe it into a blog post. Am I going crazy? Or is this just a part of being a mother and an adult.

I am 9 1/2 weeks away from finishing my Master's degree. Part of me is thinking WOOHOO! FREE TIME! another part of me is thinking Now What? and yet a third part is thinking I want to continue and get a degree in IT and Marketing so I can get a job as a website designer, social media guru. Am I Crazy??

I would gladly take some advice if anyone has any or some words of encouragement that I am not Crazy.

Also if anyone is making a go at website design and or working in social media I could really use some guidance there.

Thank you to all my readers and I hope that you stick with me through these times.

Reclaiming the Ta-Tas, PB (and I do not mean Peanut Butter) and Life

Well that was annoying.... stupid mouse. I had a nice post going and with an accidental click of the side button on my mouse... Poof it is gone. So lets begin again.

Reclaiming the Ta-tas.
Officially as of Tuesday night I have reclaimed my breasts from Little J. In all actuality I reclaimed them from the breast pump since Little J had no desire once she met the bottle, which was at 6 weeks when I had to go back to work. I am a little sad about it, but I was actually much more upset when she decided breastfeeding was beneath her. Ok I am sure it is more bottles are so much easier for her to eat from, Lazy baby! I knew eventually I would stop and was aiming for 6 months but I feel proud that I made it to 5. For any mothers out there who ended up just pumping and not breastfeeding you know what I mean. I love the fact that I know have more time to be with the girls, of course I have to remind myself of that right now because it HURTS! I guess it is more like a dull pain unless I bump them and then watch out. If anyone has some great words of wisdom for getting through this without much pain, Please let me know!!

PB
Yes I know we all are thinking, YUM Peanut Butter, but this is not even close. PB is the nickname we have for the ex-wife. No not my ex-wife, my husbands and the mother of Big Sissy (my 13 year old bonus daughter) When I first started dating my husband he told me she was crazy and angry. I just thought, sure everyone says that about their exs. I know my parents were divorced when I was 4 and I have stepparents. Then I was warned by his parents and even started witnessing some fights and yet I still shrugged it off. (Big Mistake, although I would have still married him anyway)

My first real understanding was shortly after we moved to Myrtle Beach (Pre Big J) and I answered the phone. PB spent an hour talking and talking about how she knew nothing about me and I could be an alcoholic, drug abusing, child abuser. (I put the phone on the desk and just let her go) I am sure there was more to the converstation (althought one sided) but I think I blocked it out. Anyway at the very end she tells me that she needs me to watch Big Sissy so that her and my husband can talk. I was thinking, WHAT? You pretty much just said I could be beating your child and doing drugs in front of her and yet you want me to be alone with her??????? That was truly an eye opener.

You think that was bad? Then there was the time we met at South of The Border (Yes the cheesy yet fun tourist trap) and we were an inch from each other screaming. All of a sudden something in me came back to reality and I turned, walked away and got in the car. The whole time Big Sissy was in my car waiting to come home with me. A little background, shortly after Big J was born we moved to Charlotte, NC and Big Sissy was still in Myrtle Beach. So every other weekend I would drive on Friday to meet them at SOTB. Which was a 3 1/2 hour drive for me (and usually Big J) and 1 1/2 for them.  I do not even remember what the fight was about that time, I do know that it got ugly. When I got in the car poor Big Sissy hugged me and said that is what my mom does to people.

So anyway the latest and greatest is that we saw Big Sissy for the first time in over a year for Jillian's Birthday.  (You might notice that it took me a few days to finish this post, life just got in the way) Only for a day, yes a 9 hour drive and it was for a day. (We did not have to drive my FIL arranged it so we could see her) Not only did that suck but poor Big Sissy ended up grounded for a week before she got there, meaning no phone, no laptop and no friends. Why you ask? Because she was at a friends house and her mom called the friend to tell Big Sissy that she would be there in 10 mins. Well Big Sissy figured her mom would call again when she got there ( Big Sissy's phone was broken), which she did but no one answered. So instead of getting off her butt and walking to the door she sat outside for 20 mins. Once Big Sissy got out there she was very angry and grounded her. Well the point of my story is that my husband called Big Sissy after she was here and left a message saying I know you are there since you are grounded. Her mother flipped out at her for telling us she was grounded. I mean what the??????

Another funny point PB's sister (Big Sissy's aunt) has actually sent not 1 but 2 friend requests on FB! (One after insulting him) Then when he blocked her she continues to post things about him on her page. When did Facebook become a place for people to be wimps and fight???

Enough already.... my next post will be happier.